of things better left unsaid

they say that if u never say, then how is anyone ever to know. but the thing is, things are never unsaid even when they arnt. even if i dont say anything, one person hears and its that one person who has the power to do smtg abt it. unfortunately God seems to want to let me be. i've run out of things to do but unfortunately not of things to feel. feel is such an emo and drama word dont u think? i think ppl dont think i feel. i guess i dont want ppl to know that i do either. mayb if enuff ppl believe it it'd somehow be true. i need help, i'm floundering but the two that can help me either dont know or are ignoring me. i wish i cld ignore the world back too.

oops i did it again

i guess it was only a matter of time before this happened. its not just that it might have all been a lie, but that whats happening now is irrily similar to what happened then. only this time round its with a different person when i still feel for he of the past. its not so much that i'm afraid what happened then will happen again, not at all really. but that it reminds me of what has come to past and what dreams i had for the future. its just a stark reminder of what i've lost. and it hurts eventho i wish i didnt feel anything.

sometimes i just wanna scream n cry n let everyone know how truly crummy i feel. but then i'm too humji (or too smart?) to do that so i usually smile instead. letting ppl know ur upset wont make u any less upset. but sometimes i wish... i cld get rid of this sadness. i dont believe in talking abt it. but others do, and in my desperation i almost wanna try. but then i'm too embaressed. no cannot. i dont wanna care when he doesnt or cry when he wont. sounds pretty much like a rock and a hard place. i'm sick n tired of being strong. i just want all this to go away so i can stop doubting myself.
u know if saddam hussien took over the world, i'd know whose fault it is.

http://www.paulgoldin.com/colorgenics.htm

You are trying desperately to prove yourself. You are going at it hammer and tongs in order to get your own way. You oppose any sort of restriction or opposition to your own point of view in the belief that this could prove you how self determined you are.

You are a true extrovert, frivolous and outgoing. You need to feel in control of any situation. If matters are not proceeding according to plan you tend to get extremely irritable and perhaps become difficult to live with.

Loneliness is soul destroying and at this time you feel lost and lonely, perhaps it is because you feel so frustrated that you are prepared to go out of your way to become emotionally involved with someone who could accept you for what you are. You are egocentric, antagonistic and quick to take offence, although it must be said, you can control your pent-up up emotion and thus avoid open conflict.

You feel that nobody really appreciates you and this is causing you considerable stress. You feel that you have to sublimate your emotions and this is depressing you no end. You feel that the only way you can resolve this untenable situation is to get away from it all and re-establish your own individuality. Co-operation is very important in your life, but this has not been forthcoming from anyone. No-one seems to care and it is because of this situation that you are finding it increasingly more difficult to let yourself go and as a result you are becoming more and more isolated and even, to some extent, introverted. You are displaying a touchy and an over sensitive personality. Trying to take on the whole world doesn't help - you need to relax.

Anxiety and a restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled physical or emotional needs are producing considerable stress. You react to this by blaming everyone but yourself. You are aggressive, sarcastic and embittered. Try to be understanding and a little flexible - it will pay dividends in the long run. and it could well be that accordingly all of your dreams could soon be realised.

no more

i'm done indulging myself :)